CHARM: THREE METHODS HOW TO BE CHARMING

CHARM: THREE METHODS HOW TO BE CHARMING

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Meaning of “CHARM” in the English Dictionary

Charm (noun) is attraction. It is a quality that makes you like or feel attracted to someone or something:

Even as a young boy he knew how to turn on the charm (= be pleasant intentionally) when he wanted something.

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Charm (noun), a lucky object. It is an object or saying that is thought to have magical powers, such as th eability to bring good luck:

He keeps an alligator tooth as a lucky or good luck charm..

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Charm (noun) a jewelry. It is a small object, especially one made of gold or silver, worn on a chain as jewellery.

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Charm is the power or quality of delighting, attracting, or fascinating others.It is the art of having an attractive personality. Others charm people the moment they enter a room, while others earn a reputation as a charmer over a period of time. While everyone is born with differing amounts of natural charm, much can be acquired and honed through practice.

LEARN HOW TO USE YOUR ATTITUDE AND BODY LANGUAGE TO BE CHARMING

There are three methods how to be charming.

1. Having a Charming Attitude

2. Wielding Physical Charm

3. Charming People With Words

 

METHOD # 1: HOW TO HAVE A CHARMING ATTITUDE

1. BE GENUINELY INTERESTED IN PEOPLE

You can’t have genuine interest when you are not interested. You don’t have to love everyone, but you should be curious or fascinated by people in some way.When you are talking to someone and you find yourself bored, you turn it around and make the conversation interesting by showing genuine interest.  Take one conversation that opens your mind, thus allowing yourself to connect with someone. Get interested in other person.It’s not always about you. This is the mind-frame you have to learn and be conscious about.  Find a real interest in the person or subject matter the person is discussing.  Make an art of having a good conversation. Use your interest as the basis for getting to know people.

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* You must learn how to ask questions

Getting interested in people is the most important step because a good conversation can never take place if you don’t show interest in the first place. To let people get interested in you, you have to get interested in them first. Ask questions based on your interests while being polite and others will feel they are interesting.

* Follow up with more questions to continue showing your interest 

Show interest in their daily activities by asking questions. It will definitely make them feel good about themselves and in turn they ask you questions as well, that way the conversation becomes smooth. The person you’re talking to should never feel that you’re trying to cut the conversation short The primary aim is just not to be selfish with conversations; letting everything be just about you, without you contributing significantly. Be careful to pretend you are interested in the other person whereas your not. 

2. Remember person’s name when you meet for the first time

In a meeting or an occasion, you are introduce to persons you see for the first time. Discussing is more effective if you can use the name of a person. It could be perceived as a bit nerdy, or a bit weak because you cannot magically remember everyone’s name. When they tell you their name, repeat it. Not just say “Nice to meet you” rather say “Nice to meet you, Jinno ” (example). Follow through with small talk and use the person’s name during your conversation. Repeating someone’s name is not just about helping you to remember that person. The more often you say someone’s name, the more that person will feel that you like them and the greater the chance they’ll begin to like or enjoy being with you. Repeat it once more when you say goodbye.

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3. Assume Rapport 

Assuming Rapport means that you will think how will other person like you, and feel comfortable with. Instead of getting nervous and feeling conscious on “how will this go?”,  you assume that you will establish a  good connection, a good rapport.

How do you do that? The powerful tool for interaction is kindness and respect that makes others feel as if they are loved and cared for. You simply pretend that you are meeting one of your best friends because usually all of your personal friends are people you have things in common with, and the more you have in common, the stronger the bond is.Then you start the interaction in that frame of mind instead of the nervous one.

This simply means talking to a stranger or a newly met acquaintance in a very friendly manner, as if the person is a long lost friend or relative. This helps break down an initial awkwardness and speeds up the warm-up process when meeting new people. Soon, people feel more welcomed and comfortable around you.

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4. Talk about topics that interest the people you’re with

Often in our heads what to talk about. When already in a conversation, with an awkward silence looming and while trying to scramble for something to say.

Pauses in conversations are natural and it’s good to get used to the social pressure of a conversation gone quiet.

However, if you too often run into silences, if they have a tendency to go on for a little bit too long then it’s always good to have few pointers stored at the back of your mind.  Sometimes you can build rapport just by asking questions, and not caring if you seem naive. Try to have an open mind. There are people who like talking about and explaining their interests, and will like you for listening. It is your level of interest and willingness to engage in topics that makes you an interesting person to be around.

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5. Share Information About Yourself

Being quiet about yourself makes you seem standoffish or unfriendly. Don’t expect people to tell you their deepest secrets and give nothing in return. Share some information about yourself and allow others to get to know you better is a way to build trust with other people. However, you should not tell them things that will make you feel uncomfortable.Just be a bit more open and let people see what a wonderful and caring person you actually are.  Build a relationship based on trust with other people and be more approachable. They’ll feel special because you wanted to talk about your life with them, and before you know it you’ll have new friends.

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6. Don’t people-please

There will be the odd occasion when you need to speak your mind or share a point of view that others might disagree with. In which case, still keep things light but be open and honest. You have to remember that being charming isn’t about ‘people-pleasing’. You still have to believe in yourself and your own principles. People will always respect your opinion – just make sure you express it in the right way.

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7.Remember the little details

To stay charming, write down the little details about people so you remember them for next time you meet. For example, a new client might tell you about his wife and new baby… so next time you see him, ask how the baby and mum are doing. This is a great way to show people you care while making them feel important.

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METHOD # 2: WEILDING PHYSICAL CHARM

1. Make an Eye Contact

 

Making eye contact has long been considered an effective way of drawing a listener in and bringing him or her around to your point of view. It projects confidence on your end while making the person you’re speaking with feel that they are interesting enough to gaze upon. Keep eye contact throughout the conversation. No matter what you’re talking about, holding the person’s eyes will make you seem more charming.

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2. Smile With Your Eyes

A smile is infectious. Everyone loves a happy person, so smile and be happy to be around others. Your happy state of mind will shine through and make you very likeable.

Scientists have pinpointed more than 50 types of smiles, and research suggests that the sincerest smile of all is the Duchenne smile – a smile that pushes up into the eyes. The reason it’s more genuine is because the muscles needed to smile with our eyes are involuntary; they only become engaged in an authentic smile, not in a courtesy smile.  Also, if you look at someone and then smile, it will instantly charm them.

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3. Give A Firm Handshake

Shaking a person’s hand when you first meet them is a polite way to show the person they’re someone you want to talk to. Use a firm grip, but don’t hold on too tight – you don’t want to hurt the person’s hand. After one good shake, release the person’s hand from your grip.

Handshaking is common but not universal. In some cultures, especially around the Mediterranean and the Caribbean, a hug, an air kiss, or an abrazo, are favored over a handshake, especially among good friends. In other cultures, especially in Asia, a short bow is the more polite greeting, and in the Middle East the woman’s hand is not touched at all unless it is offered by her – even in business settings.

In some cultures within cultures, such as in the sporting world, greetings have evolved from the traditional handshake to high-fives to fist bumping. Each society and each culture sets the norm, which can change over time, and yet, if any of these is not performed correctly, it leaves negative impressions.

Think about the thousands of people you meet and each time you shake hands; usually, this is the first time two humans touch. You might not think it is significant, until you ask around as I did and you find out, business people, friends, acquaintances, are remembering those “bad” handshakes years on. So in an instant, we are making impressions that have a very long shelf live based on a brief but important handshake.

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4. Use Charming Body Language

Body language is very important, so practice in front of a mirror or with a friend until you get it right. You want to ensure arms are open and not crossed; that legs are relaxed and not crossed and that overall, you look relaxed and approachable.

Best way to achieve great body language? Work on feeling relaxed and comfortable in your own skin. People who tend to cross their arms or cover their mouths or fidget could be revealing lots of insecurities and that can be off-putting.

Face the person you’re talking to so that it doesn’t seem as though you’re anxious to walk away as soon as the conversation is over. During the course of the conversation, it may be appropriate to use light touching to keep it moving. You can lightly touch the person’s shoulder to emphasize a point, for example. At the end of the conversation, decide whether it’s appropriate to give a quick hug or another handshake.

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5. Control your tone of voice 

Tone of voice is just as important as body language. Your voice should be gentle and peaceful, yet direct. Articulate your words clearly and project your voice. You also want to practice the art of assertiveness, i.e. getting your point across confidently without being defensive or aggressive. Work on your self-esteem as well and get used to hearing the sound of your own voice. Does your voice sound sincere?

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METHOD # 3: CHARMING PEOPLE WITH WORDS

1. Use Impressive Phrasing or The Right Language

Be mature and use a touch of wise, polite language. Don’t you find people that say “Hello” are much more charming than people that mutter “‘Sup”? Here is another example: Change “It’s none of his beeswax!” to “It shouldn’t be any of his concern.” Of course, don’t overdo it. Don’t forget your manners. Try to be polite and turn every negative into a positive. Don’t bring up the awful time you had on holiday or complain about the state of the economy. Charm people over by talking about polite, professional and happy things.

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2. Give Compliments Generously

Compliments raise others’ self esteem and make them feel fondly toward you. If you like someone, find a creative way to say it and say it immediately. If you wait too long, it may be viewed as insincere and badly timed, especially if others have beaten you to it.

If you notice that someone has changed something about themselves (haircut, manner of dress, etc.), notice it and point out something you like about it. If you’re asked directly, be charming and deflect the question with a very general compliments.

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3. Gracefully accept the compliments

Most people love to be noticed, but few know how to accept a compliment gracefully. Instead, they downplay the compliment or reject it entirely.

When you receive a compliment from someone you admire, your first reaction may be to deflect the attention. For example, when a friend expresses their gratitude for your help, you may be prone to redirect the compliment and respond with something like, “Oh, I wasn’t that helpful. Anyone could have done it.”

That response downplays your role and insults the person who paid you the compliment in the first place. When you deny, deflect or self-insult, others may misinterpret your actions and think of you as ungrateful or insecure.

Gratitude is the only acceptable way to acknowledge someone’s kind remarks. Sincere thankfulness won’t give off the appearance of pride or vanity. Instead, it shows you acknowledge a person’s recognition and appreciation.

Whenever you receive a compliment or accolade, but don’t know what to say, use these tips to accept compliments with grace.

Humbly say, “Thank you.” It is the simplest phrase you can say, but it sends a powerful message. It is unassuming, humble and shows your gratitude. When you receive a compliment, say something like, “Thank you, I appreciate your kind words.”

Don’t try to one-up a compliment. Avoid the temptation to “out-compliment” someone. You may feel inclined to say, “Thank you, but everyone knows your contributions were much more valuable than mine.” Simply embrace the moment and show your gratitude.

 

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4. Praise Others Instead of Getting Involved in Gossip 

If you’re speaking with someone or you’re talking in a group of people, and up pops the subject of another person in a positive or negative way, be the one to mention something you like about that person. Kind hearsay is the most powerful tool in gaining charm because it is always viewed as 100 percent sincere. It has the added benefit of creating trust in you. This attitude always  works very well because it shows how sincere and trustworthy you are. If you want to charm people, steer clear of the backstabbing and become a nice person instead.

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5. Be a Good Listener

As Greek philosopher Epictetus once theorized, “We have two ears and one mouth so we can listen twice as much as we speak.”

Listening expert Paul Sacco, Ph.D., an assistant professor at the University of Maryland School of Social Work, explains, there are just a few simple habits that set the real good listeners apart from the rest.

“We all have a good listener within us,” Sacco tells The Huffington Post. “It all just depends on the ability and desire to be mindful of where you are and who you’re talking to. A lot of us are focused on the mechanics of listening — eye contact, nodding your head — but for good listeners, there’s a naturalness to that behavior that we should all aspire to.”

Charm isn’t always an outward expression, but an inward one too. Engage the other person to talk more about his or herself, about something that they like, something they’re passionate about, about themselves. This makes the other person more comfortable to share and express themselves with you.

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Quotes:

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