Trying to Love Again After Heartbreak
by Dr. Jacqueline Simon Gunn, Demand Media
So you were brave enough to take the emotional risks required to be in love, only to experience the crushing blow of heartbreak. You are not alone. Chances are if you are willing to risk your heart, then you will experience heartache at one time or another. The good news is that you are able to love; and you can love again. If you are recovering from heartbreak, you can do some things to ensure that you will find love again.
Take Some Time
Having your heart broken is an awful experience. It is not uncommon for someone to jump right into another relationship to try and ease the pain. Although this may help temporarily, it’s just a bandage; and it can cause you to become attached to someone who you otherwise wouldn’t want a relationship with, warns Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S., in her Psych Central article, “Help on Healing From Heartbreak.” Instead, take some time to grieve your loss and heal your wounds. This will actually help you feel stronger and will better prepare you for a new love.
Breakups can leave you with tremendous self-doubt. You may wonder what you did wrong or if anyone will ever love you again. These feelings are very painful and can impair your ability to move on and open your heart to someone new. Spending extra time taking care of yourself is important to rebuild your self-esteem. Trying a new hobby, starting an exercise program and using positive self-talk all help build self-worth. Before you start dating again, it is also important that you recognize yourself as a lovable person, asserts certified breakup recovery coach Raeeka Yaghmai, writing for Your Tango. Spending time with people who love you will help build your confidence and remind you that you are a valuable and lovable person.
Removing the Pedestal
In the painful aftermath of a breakup you may find yourself idealizing your ex and feeling like he is the last person on earth you will ever love. You may imagine an idealized image of him and forget all of his flaws, which will make moving on even more agonizing. It is important to acknowledge these feelings, but also to recognize that he is not the only person for you, recommends Yaghmai. Remember, as long as you are capable of loving, you will find love again.
Reduce Your Fear
After heartbreak the idea of opening your heart up — and risking the possibility of being hurt again — is scary. Changing your mindset about love can be very helpful in reducing this fear, suggests life coach Ora Nadrich in her Huffington Post article, “Saying Yes to Love After Heartache.” Instead of dwelling on the loss, focus on what you have learned. You now have a better idea of what you like and dislike in a relationship — for example, you may like being affectionate, or want someone who is generous, spontaneous or funny. Thinking about what you want from your next partner will help reduce your fear by reminding you that you have choices as you move forward.
Spending time with friends can help you move on after heartache.
“To get over the past, you first have to accept that the past is over. No matter how many times you revisit it, analyze it, regret it, or sweat it…it’s over.” ~Mandy Hale
To be heartbroken is the worst feeling. You will feel that you are at the lowest point of your life and it almost demoralize you. You will be losing your confidence and interest to your job or anything that you do. Your heart shred every time you remember your ex. The process of moving on is really difficult for you.
STAGES OF HOW TO LESSEN THE PAIN :
>Devote oneself entirely
Allow yourself some time to cry and hibernate at home if this is what you are drawn to do. For the first day or two, don’t worry about what you think you should do or what people tell you to do. You have to do what you need to do.
>Be in touch to someone
You may have spent a few days on your own, so you need to step out of your own thoughts and spend time with someone who is close to you and who you trust. Your own thoughts were your own worst enemy in that time of heartbreak.
It can be a real comfort to be around a nurturing person. Let go and spent time with you mum or any family member who is close to you and a couple of friends who really looked after you, who you felt completely at ease with and didn’t have to put on a front for.
> Delete your ex from your social media accounts.
The first thing that you should do is to be disconnected to your ex from your social media accounts. Having the temptation to look at what your es was doing, who your ex was with, and then making assumptions about what was going on in your ex life would only exacerbate the pain and do nothing to heal the heartbreak.
Delete every document/every single thing that had to do with your ex on your computer and other gadgets.Delete their number so you won’t be tempted to text them. If you have mutual friends, let them know you don’t want to be updated on your ex activities.You will notice that after each day of no contact you will start to feel a little better.
>Do something new that you don’t associate with your ex.
Let yourself feel whatever it is that you feel. Don’t repress it and don’t be upset with yourself for how you feel. It’s okay and remember that feelings are like the weather, they ALWAYS pass.
Reclaim your life as an individual. Start to create new memories to mark this new chapter, as it’s a great way to speed up the process of moving on. It can be anything, but make it something for you.
>Commit to not looking at old photos, letters, or texts or listening to songs that remind you of your ex for one month.
Hearing the songs that will remind you of your ex will only bring more pain. Living with memories will make the sadness and pain even more intense.
By setting an initial time frame of one month, you’re just choosing to not put yourself though more pain by engaging with them right now.
Watch a funny film, go and see some comedy or go out with your close friends with the sole aim of having fun.
Don’t go overboard on alcohol, as that only seems to heighten any emotion. That won’t always make the best decisions in light of that.
The aim is to go out and do whatever you think will make you laugh or at the very least smile, and be around people who make you feel good, lift you up, and show you that things will get better.
Laughing is brilliant for an immediate shift in feeling, so do anything you can to laugh as much as possible!
>Learn and let go.
If you’ve spent some time doing all the above, you’ll hopefully feel a little better and have a renewed sense of hope and perspective. You might even be ready to embrace the new chapter of your life.
You are broken through that initial pain of heartbreak and is spurred to channel the emotion in the direction of his passion for your works.
Think about all the things you want to do and achieve. Consider how you can use this experience as a way to move forward. What new habits would you like to introduce into your life, what kind of experiences do you want to have, what kinds of people would you like to meet?
It’s still going to be tough, for a while, but that’s okay. Heartbreak is a crippling thing to go through but it’s also an amazing trigger for unleashing raw emotion and creativity that can be channeled in a positive way. As long as you put God in the center of your heart with the help of your family circle, you will recover little by little from such pain. Remember, there is nothing that will not last forever. The wound will eventually cured..
It’s put you on a path of self-discovery, and although you have felt vulnerable, it’s forced you to look at things about yourself that the relationship was perhaps concealing.
Also, try your very best to let go of any anger, as it only makes you cling on tighter to that painful emotion. Forgiveness really is the key to moving on.
But don’t start dating until you’re ready! Rebounds are awful and you are just repressing the very uncomfortable feelings of the breakup.
It still feels like a great part of is you missing but there’s no quick fix, the more you start to gently push yourself in new directions every day, the more clarity you will start to get on the situation.
Letting go and move on really helped you to win your life back.
Heartbreak is really awful. All of these ideas are really just suggestions of things that have helped make your own journey that little bit easier.
There’s no quick fix, but the more you start to gently push yourself in new directions every day, the more clarity you will start to get on the situation.
Start to gain your confidence back. Time do heals the inner wound as long as you accept the past is gone. Experience is the best teacher after all. Whenever you tried to look back, it’s normal that you felt the pain but its not as painful as you felt in the first place. It helps you to be stronger. Be strong and share your grief with your family and close friends. It really helps to ease the pain. Everything is going to be alright. It is not the end of the world to be heartbroken.
There can be any definitive conclusion on how to cope with heartbreak. Just that with every small step you take forwards, each time you look back, it won’t be quite so painful.