A man may realize the negative impact on his wife, family and himself, but still continue an affair. How? “It’s all in the perception of the cheater,” says Orlando. “If he feels unwanted, undervalued and taken for granted, his personal needs of being wanted, valued and appreciated will win out.”
Realize this: If your husband is unfaithful, it’s not your fault, no matter what people say. “When a man cheats, he’s making a conscious choice to do it,” says Dr. Brosh. “The idea of being pushed into the arms of another woman is an expression, not a reality.” Orlando echoes this sentiment: “Men don’t cheat because of who she is; they cheat because of who they’re not,” he says. “The ‘fault’ is that the signs of disconnection have been ignored by both parties.”
Honestly, being in a relationship might increase a man’s options considering there are a certain group of women that like to go after committed men. It is obviously not enough to stop people from cheating. Love is an emotion that might keep you in a relationship, but it’s logic that keeps you from straying, especially when you believe you won’t get caught. Men are as faithful as their options. It doesn’t mean that when a man truly love a person he would never cheat on her.
Most unfaithful men aren’t seeking out an additional relationship. Unfaithful men are generally only seeking to satisfy physical needs and not to replace or give up the relationship they already have. Only few men who are looking for satisfaction something that the’re not getting at home– usually something ego based – but even these men are rarely looking to leave the woman they’re with. 9 out of 10 cases, men aren’t looking to replace their women they have this is due to the fact that if they’re already in a relationship, first, it’s difficult to get to know another woman beyond the physical; secondly, the woman he is already with has a head start because he’s familiar with her in his life; and last, the only thing more amazing than how long some women will stay with an unfaithful man is how long a side-woman is willing to remain in the side-woman role. He will only leave the woman he already with if he meets another woman that clearly supersedes her.
Will a man continue to cheat if a woman takes him back?
A difficult to answer but the short answer is, “yes.” Although a new relationship is exciting, “an affair can rekindle the marriage,” says Charles J. Orlando, author of The Problem with Women…Is Men. “Men realize who they want for the rest of their lives and that the new relationship isn’t as perfect as they thought.” If a man will continue to cheat for as long as he is a cheater at heart even if she does everything right, it is up to the man to be willing to change. Flings can highlight how little self-control someone has that it’s possible to get back on track.
WHY WOMEN CHEAT?
An Indiana University study shows that men and women cheat at the same rate. But “the reasons the sexes cheat are different,” says Orlando. He explains women are more likely to cheat for emotional satisfaction. “Online cheating—without any physical contact—is the most damaging type of infidelity,” says Orlando. Becoming emotionally invested in another person means you’ve likely checked out of your marriage. But if it’s just sex, it’s less about attachment and more about a hurtful mistake.
Recently, several books and articles have attempted to explain why women are now cheating as much as men. However, very important pieces to this extremely complicated puzzle continue to be left out. The reason is twofold: some who write and speak about this subject haven’t done enough research, so consequently they simply regurgitate old, outdated information that has little to do with the real reasons women cheat; others obviously want to avoid controversy and are afraid to disclose certain key pieces of information because the truth is so contrary to our current beliefs. Unfortunately, without these missing pieces, it’s impossible to understand, and to subsequently fix, the real problem occurring in relationships today.
Some women after their long years of happy marriage, they began feeling bored and unhappy. Perhaps the unhappiness is attributed to the way they were feeling to their partners and began to view them as the culprit too. In fact, women are the most likely to divorce in their late twenties and thirties after an average of 4 years of marriage. During this time, it’s quite common for women to experience a pre-midlife crisis, which is similar to the male midlife crisis, only with an important difference – a difference that can actually make women more likely to cheat than men.
HOW DO WOMEN REACT TO CHEATING?
How could Tiger Woods’s ex, Elin Nordegren, and Arnold Schwarzenegger’s ex, Maria Shriver, not have known what their high-profile husbands were up to? They probably did, but couldn’t bear to acknowledge it. “At one level, I knew, but my denial was so strong,” says Lily* from Toronto, Canada. “The pain, had I accepted it at that time, would have been too horrendous, so I had to process it slowly.” According to Dr. Brosh, the jilted celebrities were likely doing the same thing: choosing what they could live with for the sake of their kids or to avoid humiliation and the fallout.
HOW DO MEN REACT TO CHEATING?
Men can forgive themselves for their indiscretions, but find it much harder to forgive their partners for the same,’ says therapist Phillip Hodson, Fellow of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy. Her unfaithfulness impacted on his feelings of masculinity and self-worth.
According to Paula Hall, a relationship counselor with Relate, ‘There is definitely more evidence that men are more likely to see their partner having an affair as signalling the end of a relationship.’
She adds: ‘For men, the sexual component of their wife’s affair is very important. Women are much more likely to ask: “Did you love her?”
‘The feelings and the emotional connection are more likely to be seen as a threat to a woman. Men are more concerned about the sexual aspect.’
WHO CHEATS THE MOST?
Stereotypical assumption is that men cheat more than women, and some findings do draw predictable conclusions. University of Connecticut professor Christin Munsch told the Wall Street Journal that financially independent men (who, of course, constitute a significant percentage of the male population) are more likely to cheat.
“These men are aware that their wives are truly dependent and may think that, as a result, their wives will not leave them even if they cheat,” she said.
The 2000 review of the Registrar General on Marriages, Divorces and Adoptions in England and Wales, reveals that 29 pc of men are likely to present ‘adultery’ as a cause of the irretrievable break down of marriage, compared with 21 pc of women.
As men are more likely to be unfaithful in the first place, this suggests that men are less able to forgive an affair and more likely to see it as the end of their marriage.
UK statistics show that almost a third of divorces cite infidelity as the cause of the breakdown of the relationship.
And a 2006 BBC survey showed that one in seven people had been unfaithful to their partner.
Traditionally, men are viewed as the most unfaithful sex. But there is evidence that female affairs are on the increase.
According to the 2001 Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyle survey, while 14.6 pc of men were unfaithful, women were not far behind – with almost one in ten women admitting they had cheated.
‘I don’t think women’s reasons for having affairs is that different from men’s,’ says Paula Hall. ‘They’re looking for attention and affection and that’s going to include sex.’
According to Dr. David Holmes, a psychologist at Manchester Metropolitan University, men and women behave very differently when they cheat.
“The biggest difference is that women are much better at keeping their affairs secret,” he told the Daily Mail. “If you look at the studies into paternity, even conservative figures show that between eight and 15 per cent of children haven’t been fathered by the man who thinks he’s the biological parent.”
“Men may well exaggerate and women underplay it,” sex and relationships psychologist Petra Boynton told the BBC. “Historically, it was sometimes dangerous for women to admit being unfaithful.”
Regardless of financial independence, the 2006 American General Social Survey found that nearly twice as many married men as women admitted to having had sexual relations with someone other than their spouse, the BBC reported.
The Science Of Infidelity: Why Women Are More Likely To Cheat On Men
New research shows women may be more likely to be the culprits of infidelity than men.
It’s not that women are more likely to cheat than men per se, but biologically and genetically, women possess different features that vary our behaviors.
This research is colossal because ideologically, women tend to assume men are the more likely culprits due evolutionary implications.
From a “survival of the fittest perspective,” it makes slightly more sense that they would spread their seed to as many women as possible.
Women, on the other hand, don’t share this evolutionary ideology, and are more so on the opposite spectrum: supposedly choosing most carefully a mate who we believe could provide and take care of us, although this obviously isn’t always the case.
Despite this, women may be more prone to cheat instead due to their hormones and genes. Richard Friedman lets us in on this secret in his op-ed, “Infidelity Lurks in Your Genes.”
The key word is vasopressin. Women who carry a type of genetic mutation in the receptor for this hormone are more likely to engage in infidelity, so maybe it’s not their fault?
Dr. Zietsch examined the link between promiscuity and the receptor genes of important hormones, like vasopressin and oxytocin.
Ever heard of oxytocin? If not, look it up, or better yet, read Louann Brizendine’s “The Female Brain.” It will clue you in on exactly how our bodies and brains work for us ladies.
But, back to oxytocin, it’s like the mitochondria of our feelings or, in other words, it’s really goddamn powerful.
It’s a hormone that also acts as a neurotransmitter in the brain and essentially increases our drive to romantically pair up.
It’s released on many occasions, but most evidently during sex. Vasopressin is another hormone, similar in nature, which has a great force on social behaviors associated with bonding, like trust, empathy and, of course, hooking up.
In his study, Dr. Zietsch examined the link between the wandering eye and variations in the oxytocin and vasopressin receptor genes in thousands of people who had been in a relationship for at least a year.
Why? Because mutations of the vasopressin receptor could also mutate one’s own sexual behavior.
Through the study, he found 6.4 percent of women, compared to 9.8 percent of men that year, had two or more sexual partners.
The caveat is Zietsch’s study discovered there was an association between five different variants of the vasopressin receptor gene, which was only found in women who participated in infidelity.
Thus, we ask, does this mean 40 percent of women who partake in a variation of infidelity can blame their genes?
For years, we’ve know how oxytocin and vasopressin are associated with relationships, both found in the opposite end of the infidelity pool.
Oxytocin is the reason one-night stands for women tend to be more difficult.
The hormone supplies emotional bonding, AKA feelings, so when women have sex, we release loads of it. Annoying, right?
This is why more often, women have sex with specific partners and biologically, we’ll want more than sex.
Another study from Hasse Walum at the Karolinska Institutet (Institute) in Stockholm found that in women, there is strong association between one variation of an oxytocin receptor gene and marital antagonism, or lack of fondness for one’s partner.
Similarly in men, this same predicament (of a lower marital discord) occurs, but in regard to a variation of the vasopressin receptor.
It is plausible though, even when conducting studies in animals. When looking at voles, a type of rodent, Dr. Thomas R. Insel found vasopressin acted differently in different species.
While the species are both related, montane voles tend to be more sexually promiscuous, and prairie voles are more of the monogamous type.
This means montane voles are likely to leave your place before breakfast while the prairie vole try to put a ring on it.
When looking at the way vasopressin responded in each of these species, Dr. Insel found vasopressin receptors lit up in completely different areas of the brain, which in turn, caused vastly different effects on behavior.
For prairie voles, their vasopressin receptors live close to the reward center of the brain, yet the montane voles’ receptors are located in the amygdala, which is linked to the ability to process anxiety and fear.
So, what does this mean for women? It may mean women have a higher likelihood to cheat if they possess these mutated vasopressin genes, but we know this cannot be the sole cause.
For one, we know there are tons of reasons that contribute to infidelity, many of which haven’t even been scientifically measured.
The study does emphasize the power hormones have on our behaviors, which often are misunderstood and underestimated.
Granted, I am by no means advocating everyone go out and attempt to get their genes tested, but I do believe it’s important that men and women actively seek to find more about their hormones and how they affect our choices and responses in relationships.
At the end of the day, this study will never negate the different reasons men and women engage in infidelity, whether it be socially, emotionally or physically.
CONTRIBUTOR , ELITE DAILY
The “stages” that women often experience during the course of their long-term relationships
Several years into my research I was able to identify distinctive patterns and behaviors in the women I interviewed. I categorized these into four separate “stages” that women often experience during the course of their long-term relationships. The stages begin with a loss of sexual desire.
Women at Stage 1 feel as though something is missing in their lives. They have all the things that they wanted—a home, a family, a great husband—but they feel they should be happier. Over time, many women in this stage begin to lose interest in sex. It is not uncommon for them to spend a great deal of energy trying to avoid physical contact with their husbands because they fear it might lead to a sexual encounter. They frequently complain of physical ailments to avoid having sex and often try to avoid going to bed at the same time as their husbands. They view sex as a job, not unlike doing the dishes or going to the grocery store. Some women in Stage 1 claim they feel violated when their husbands touch them. Their bodies freeze up and they feel tightness in their chest and/or a sick feeling in their stomach. The majority of women in Stage 1 feel as though there is something wrong with them, that they are in some way defective. They are also fearful that their disinterest in sex will cause their husbands to cheat, or worse yet, leave them.
Women at Stage 2 experience reawakened desire stimulated by an encounter outside the marital relationship. Whether these encounters with a “new” man involves sex or remain platonic, women will typically give a tremendous amount of emotional significance to these encounters. Many women in this stage haven’t felt any sexual desire for a long time. Many experience tremendous guilt and regret, regardless of whether their new relationships are sexual, merely emotional, or both. Most begin to experience what could be termed an identity crisis—even those who try to put the experience behind them. Constant reminders are everywhere. They feel guilt when the topic of infidelity arises, whether in the media, in conversations with family and friends, or at home with their husbands. Women in this stage can no longer express their prior disdain for infidelity without feeling likea hypocrite. They feel as though they have lost a part of themselves. Reflecting society’s belief that women are either “good” or “bad,” women will question their “good girl” status and feel that they might not be deserving of their husbands. Many will try to overcome feelings of guilt by becoming more attentive toward and appreciative of their husbands. However, over time many women will move from appreciation to justification. In order to justify their continued desire for other men, women will begin to attribute these desires to needs that are not being met in their marriage, or to their husband’s past behavior. Many women will become negative and sarcastic when speaking of their husbands and their marriages and it is not uncommon for an extramarital affair to follow.
Women at Stage 3 are involved in affairs, ending affairs, or contemplating divorce. Women who are having affairs experience feelings unlike anything they have experienced before. They feel “alive” again and many believe they have found their soul mates. These women are experiencing feelings associated with a chemically altered state, or what is typically referred to as being in love. These women are also typically in tremendous pain, the pain of choosing between their husbands and their new love interests. They typically believe that what they are doing is wrong and unfair to their husbands, but yet are unable to end their affairs. Many often try several times. Prior to meeting with their lovers, they will vow that it will be the last time, but they are unable to stick with their decisions. Unable to end their extramarital relationships, women at Stage 3 conclude that their lovers are soul mates because they are unaware that they have become addicted to the high caused by chemicals released during the initial stages of a relationship. Many live in a state of limbo for years. “Should I stay married or should I get a divorce?” this is the question continuously on the minds of women at Stage 3 – it is also common for women at this stage to attempt to initiate a separation. In most cases, husbands of women at Stage 3, will launch futile attempts to make their wives happy by being more attentive, spending more time at home and helping out around the house. Regardless of women’s past and present complaints, the last thing women at Stage 3 want, is to spend more time with their husbands. The reason many women will give for their desire to separate is a “search for self.” They convince their husbands that they might be able to save their marriage if they can just have time to themselves. They tell their husbands that time apart is the only hope of improving their current situation. Women at this stage want to free themselves of the restrictions of marriage and spend more time with their lovers. Most think that eventually their confusion will disappear. They think they will eventually know with certainty whether they want to stay married or get divorced and be with their lovers. Separation allows women at this stage, to enjoy the high they experience with their lovers without giving up the security of their marriages. Husbands of Stage 3 women are often unaware that their wives are having affairs. Their lack of suspicion is typically due to their wife’s disinterest in sex and in their belief that their wife is a “good girl.”Women at Stage 3 may also be experiencing the ending of an extramarital affair, and the ending may not have been their decision. They may have been involved with single men who either lost interest because the relationship could not progress or who became attracted to another women who was single. Women whose affairs are ending often experience extreme grief. They may become deeply depressed and express tremendous anger toward their husbands. They are typically unaware that they are experiencing chemical withdrawal due to sudden changes in their brain chemistry. As a result, many will feel that they have missed their chance at happiness due to their indecisiveness. Believing they have become more aware of what they want and need from a mate, women at this stage will often place the utmost importance on finding a ”new” relationship that will give them the feeling they experienced in their affairs. Anew relationship with a new partner will also represent a clean slate, a chance for these women to regain their “good girl” status. Some women will search for new partners during their separations. Others will return to their marriages, but not emotionally and still continue to search. Some women will resume sporadic sexual relations with their husbands in an effort to safeguard their marriage until they make a decision. Although they are often not sexually attracted to their husbands, desire is temporarily rekindled when they suspect their husbands are unfaithful, are contemplating infidelity, or when their husbands show signs of moving on.
The women in stage four included those who chose to stay married and continue their affairs and those who chose to divorce. Some of the women who continued their affairs stated that marital sex was improved by maintaining the extramarital relationship. Some thought the lover was a soul mate, but for one reason or another did not leave their husband and did not feel torn between the two. Others realized that their feelings were intensified by not sharing day-to-day living arrangements with their lover. Almost all of the women in this latter category were having affairs with married men. They believed their affairs could continue indefinitely without disrupting either partner’s primary relationship. The women who chose divorce and were in the beginning stages of a new relationship typically expressed relief at having finally made a decision and reported feeling normal again. Many of the divorced women who had remarried and were several years into their new marriages seemed somewhat reluctant to talk about the specifics of their past experiences. However, they did mention feelings of guilt and regret for having hurt their children and ex-spouses only to find themselves experiencing similar feelings in the new relationship.
Female infidelity will not only continue to be extremely common but it will also continue to be on the rise.
Women are cheating and relationships are ending because men and women lack necessary information. The information in Women’s Infidelity should be common knowledge to couples, both married and unmarried, and to dating males and females. Trying to have a relationship today without the information in this book is like to trying to read without knowing the letters of the alphabet. This is not an exaggeration ─ it’s a fact.